Monday, March 31, 2008

Bagging Wind For the Church of Prattle - A Sermon

Well Bubba - it has begun. Discord in the Church of Progressive Prattle.

Yep, discord I tell ye. The "progressive" sites, which hath ranted in unison against 8 years of Bushites, are now turning on one another. Their Moses did not return with commandments everyone can agree on; no hero hath parted the Potomac; they hath wandered in the political wilderness for 40 years.

For the last 8 years they sayeth all manner of radical talk to dismantle the system! bring down the imperialists! stone and crucify the Bushites! And chastisement to all those who do not accept the word of progressive politics into their heart! Banishment to ye who would question progressive prattlers in this nation of spinners and spiels.

Leap with faith onto the bandwagon of change, verily change. The Church of Prattle has preached for an end to this reign of terror - with almighty camera angles and docudramas - to deliver unto us a world of peace, and other free stuff.

Verily Bubba - I sayeth these Progressive Congregationalists hath blogged long and loud against the status quo! Loooooong and loud! shaking fingers and posterboards at the profit makers of unrepentant criminals in the White House. Woe be unto neocons and Zionists.

The Congregation of Good Progressives raised their voices and spoke! They spoke of smote and smite and no mercy to the sinners of profit and war - and after the rallies and candlelight vigils they drank wine and planned the next paper petition rebellion and mall meet-up.

Yea, verily Bubba - they held their nose and fought swiftboaters and voted for Kerry - then they too stoned Kerry with epithets; he, a skull and bony harlot, had thrown 4 more years to the crooks and liars called Bushites. Then came 4 more years of gnashing of teeth and wailing. Deliver us they cried, deliver us from these evildoers.

And after John the Botox was politically beheaded in '04, the Church of Prattle congregation spoke another 4 years of smote and smite to those who would steal elections. They held more rallies and vigils and railed righteously against the immoral war of the father, the son, and the Dick Cheney.

Yea, Progressives sayeth they would make new wine in old skins and speak truth to power when they took back the congress in '06 - but then the sky opened sorely and they wailed anew - against the Pelosi. With gnashing of teeth and railing they draped themselves in tee-shirt cloth and red paint and held more vigils and signed more petitions.

Oh Bubba! Behold! I have seen the anger of Progressives - raging against the evil sinners of the war machine; cheering at the altars of Moore, Penn, Sarandon, or Feingold, Murtha, Kucinich, Joe Wilson, Gore, Ron Paul, Nader - anyone who thumped the Progressive Bible even once, and what's that Tim guy's last name, you know the new one who made a speech about young folk not believing Bush on bringing back the draft because Bush was untruthful - but then he got put on the, Ryan, that's his name, Tim Ryan-D Ohio, he got put on the House Armed Services Committee and kept Youngstown airbase alive and not on BRAC (Base Realignment and Closure) list.

Ahem ... hmmm ... yes ... at any rate, I saw the Progressive Congregation clutch at any and every famous voice that spoke against the wickedness of the Bushites - politicians, pundits, comedians, celebrities, preachers, professors, anyone who was a former something, and grieving mothers, and medal tossing ex-warriors - angels to help, blowing their self-promo horns from on high. The Progressives congregated and heaped praise on them - for hours, weeks, months, even years. And the flock of the progressive knew temporary pleasure and kept the faith that a savior would arise from the ranks.

The flock heaped praise and called those men and women wise shepherds - who would walk through the valley of shadow with them - and hold more candlelight vigils - well, that is until the shepherds got kind of busy with traveling, fund raising, book writing, etc. but they keep in touch on-line with parables and OpEd pieces.

And now cometh another evil upon the Congregation - Election Race '08. Oh Lord, will the travails never end they cry. Why hath the lord forsaken the Progressivites they wailed.

But wait! lo - behold! then came Obama. He comes to separate the chaff from the wheat. He comes issuing forth words of eloquence from his mouth opposing the harlot of Rodham who cackles at world pain whilst her man mate is a secret member of the Bushites and other dens of iniquity.

Oh the faithful began this election cycle skeptical enough - damning the Hillary and not taking Obama too seriously, but all that changed in a few short weeks, with excellent Obama public relations propaganda.

The Obama floated from the clouds into their presence - revelations Bubba, revelations.

In the midst of the seven cable channels one like unto the son of a Kenyan man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girdled in fine cloth but without a flag pinned lapel. His head and his hair like wool, and his eyes as a flame of fire; and his feet like unto fine brass, as if they were burnished in a furnace. Oh Obama, oh Obama they cry - ye hath come to deliver us from these warmongers and deficit spenders.

Some Progressives in the Congregation, now that it seems Obama might win the nomination, hath wrought the calf of the golden chant - that chant I tell you today Bubba - "hold thy nose and support the lesser of 3 evils for would not an Obama be better than a Hitlery or a McCain?"

They preach for followers to have faith in the system and vote for Barack "What Have We To Lose" Obama. Oh radicals, where fort art thou now.

They believe Obama is the savior of change (in increments). Yea, I tell you verily Bubba, Progressives now believe Barack is the rectifying messiah, the new god of hope who will usher in the days of all things good.

But woe be unto the duopoly - a few backsliding Progressives this time cannot be fooled again - Obama is not their Lord of Deliverance. And when they say as much on the church of blogs where they were once welcomed to prattle - they are now chastised, they are heretics! But these unfooled Progressives will not cast their pearls before swine - lest they be trampled again in the sty of politicians.

These few blasphemy - reject the idea of voting for Obama - they refuse to acknowledge Obama as the one who will save the world (in increments), oh Lord from the corporate imperialists. Smite all those who do not support Obama cry the true thumpers; throw those cynics into eternal hellfire - lest they lead us all toward revolution and certain sacrifice. Begone with these folks who hath the audacity to not believe Obama is the author of hope. Begone.

Obamamite bloggers lift your heads! Lift your eyes and hands to the heavens and hope, hope this election, this time, something different will happen. For Ye are true believers! Truly ye believe in the American system. Vote, vote, vote ... and donate ... and someday the nation will not be ruled by rich white men - but by rich men of all hues from all continents.

Vote Obama fans, vote. For ye are the stalwart political correctors, ye are the blessed faithful of the American political system - and ye shall be called the children of Obama. Verily, verily.

Praise the lord and pass the bumperstickers.

Amen.

2 comments:

Kathy said...

I claim dibs on the KAB bumpersticker buried in the pile!

Kate-A said...

As soon as I can think of something pithy those KAB stickers will be printed.

;)

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