Laura Judy Type

"I also want to encourage anybody who was affected by Hurricane Corina to make sure their children are in school." –First Lady Laura Bush, twice referred to a "Hurricane Corina" while speaking to children and parents in South Haven, Mississippi, Sept. 8, 2005.

After days of nonstop news focus on Katrina this ignorant heifer calls it hurricane Corina. Has she been busy at the spa with mudpacks and massages and not keeping up with news on the little people? I'm not surprised with Laura's obvious lack of information because she is the "Judy type."

The "Judy" is two-faced, insensitive, and easily entertained by her own "beautiful" mind. I once knew a "Judy type" and can spot them several States away. The "Judy" is a prudish stickler, who as a young female passed herself off as a "good girl" but by her own definition that meant she didn't screw a guy (or mark) the first month, and only after they are seen as a couple will she go beyond the groping and petting; presenting him the honor of intercourse while she thinks of tomorrow's errands and the new shoes in her closet, but faking passion and innocence so well the male struts off pretty sure he needs her since she was a "good girl" until he overcame her with his stud-like conquest. If he dumps "Judy" his life is in peril at stop signs.

Every male is a potential mate for the "Judy," after his current or future earnings and family background pass inspection. She's not particularly bright or intelligent but is a good "test taker" and does well at repeating ideas from books, and she does read a great deal due to lack of dates. The notion that a man is a companion, lover, friend is distasteful to her but she'll pretend otherwise because she read somewhere she should think that way about men. She pretends a lot of good human qualities she has read about.

Once married to the "Judy type" female, a man has to be a popular bully but privately weak; a man who doesn't put up a fight when the "Judy" tucks his balls in her purse, although she will allow him the public image as man of the house. Some folks may call it "whipped" as if that's a good thing but it's braggadocio. It works well for the image of both as it hides the sexual and human dysfunction of the couple. The "Judy" is never smarter than her man, but more wily at terrorizing him in his home. She keeps him in fear of what she might tell others about him.

She really doesn't want children but will have at least one pregnancy for the sake of appearance, and inheritance. Children are tiresome for her, both physically and emotionally, and interfere with her beautiful mind where she dwells on self. The "Judy" seeks to soften her hardness by professing deep concern for children; seeking positions and outlets where she doesn't really have to deal long-term with kids on a personal level but can talk about them as if she does (church and charity.org work well). Her own children will shame her and she'll cut them off at the knees, or the bank, whichever works best.

She will prefer a mother-in-law with whom to share laughs as they deride the men folk, and shop lavishly, usually with privilege they feel their vagina has earned them the right to. The "Judy" believes she's literally sitting on a labial goldmine and materially overvalues that which she dislikes most and understands even less (sex). The Judy pretends to be a lady in public but is crude and coarse privately; telling raucous stories, dirty jokes, farting, belching, making men blush. She enjoys the discomfort her contradictory behavior causes the men in her circle.

The "Judy type" is a born frump but with time and professional help she becomes a better-dressed and coifed frump. For all the importance she places on sex as a reward and privilege she is never sexy, and nothing sensual about her. Even at a young age she looked like someone's dumpy dowdy mom. She has a hard look somewhere on her face because she was born bitter over her plainness.

"Judy type" usually marries later in life (31 for Laura) as the clock is ticking, having run most mentally healthy men off with her demands and domineering whine and/or threats. Her choices are fewer by this stage in the game and she often marries her counterpart, the bachelor playboy, after a hasty courtship (3 months for George & Laura). She often finds one so brain damaged from his own hedonism that she has no difficulty in putting the ring through his nose as he slips one on her finger. But it's not a pretty marriage. Fights, petulance, retaliation by two selfish middle-age children who, as they exasperate everyone else, are bound together forever as one another's only friend, and not even good friends.

The "Judy" I knew has done well for herself monetarily, but she's a lonely old woman always in search of friends, with surface relationships and shallow concerns. Living in seclusion, pretending she's very important in the grand scheme of things although her family rarely visit and then only a formality. She attends church regularly, yet I watched her in a courtroom swear to God on a Bible and then lie through her teeth with every breath. The "Judy" has no shame, no conscience, no substance. She can only pretend what she has read about love. She still believes everyone wants to be like her because her mind thinks it, sitting straight, regal, on a self-made pedestal. I kid you not.