Friday, December 07, 2007

License To Parent

Another shooting, and out come the beggars for donations to support gun control as if guns are the problem. Having raised 5 children around and with weapons, teaching a healthy respect for guns – my plea is not to control guns – but for "Parent Control Now."

You see, here at KAB, we believe that the angry and soulless who choose mass murder (among other crimes) to be "famous now" are the product of their upbringing. KAB believes society must attack the problem at the roots – mom and dad.

KAB supports immediate and retroactive registration and licensing to become a parent. If caught breeding without a license, a community parental board will police the unlicensed home to prevent mom and dad from abusing, ignoring, Ritalin doping, name calling, bruising, crushing, and killing the spirit of a child. The board will register and supervise folks; to weed out and/or prevent potential parenting from those unable to love and who essentially breed and create monsters without a conscience.

Folks will quickly adapt to the idea – after all, it's required to register and obtain a license for many things - to drive, own a gun, a car, marry, hunt deer and ducks, sell liquor, cut hair, street peddle, so on and so on.

Licensing to breed will be at no cost to applicant and will be equal opportunity – independent of class, creed, or color - as the wealthy WASP produce psychopaths as easily as anyone else (to wit: GW). License requirements will include, but are not limited, to such things as :

1. Potential parents at time of licensing must show proof of financial ability as the State will not fund the enterprise.

2. Potential parents will show proof of mental stability – i.e. not on benzodiazepines, fluoxitines, etc., not suffering from active depression or boredom, have not been in rehab or anger management within the previous 5 years.

3. Potential parents must sign an agreement not to raise child on fast food, colas, and television.

4. Potential parents will agree to never leave their child in the care of others whom they do not know, barely know, or drifters, molesters, or their cousin's friend's neighbor who has another new significant other shacking up with him/her.

5. Potential parents will spend one month alone in a padded room with the loud volume of constant crying, whining, begging, arguing, fighting, screaming, back-talking, the sound of precious personal items breaking, stomping, muttering under breath, all in the voices of children from ages 0-18. Sounds will be accompanied with having to clean life-like dolls with actual snotty noses, crapped and wet pants, vomit, dirt, gum in hair, sores, scabs, and kitty litter on baby teeth.

6. Potential parents will practice feeding a 3 y/o greenbeans and peas and spinach while 3 y/o is demanding pizza and ice cream.

7. Potential parents will clean walls and floors every 30 minutes (ink, markers, crayons, food, dirt, footprints, handprints, and the odd never identified stuck-on bugery things).

8. Potential parents will sleep in 2-3 hour stretches.

9. Potential parents will practice sex less often but much quicker.

10. Potential parents will spend 1 hour a day listening to a beautiful teenage girl rolling her eyes, or screaming and/or crying that everyone is wearing, doing, buying, going, or has "this" and assuring her one zit is not acne.

11. Potential parents will spend 1 hour a day lecturing a handsome teenage boy, taller and bigger than themselves, about the dangers of driving, sex, bad grades, sports won't get you everything, finishing projects, breaking curfew, and assuring him one zit is not acne.

Please donate to KAB to push legislation for Parent Control Now.

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